I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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