I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
