So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
