So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize