I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
