I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
