Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
