Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
