White coat. Heels.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
