census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
