I smell stomach acid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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