The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
