A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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