i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
