Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
