five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
