she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet he comes in French.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
