There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
