I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
