it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
