I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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