Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
And then he peed in my hair
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