It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize