ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
