Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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