Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
