:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
