I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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