My pussy is not your playground.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
