Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
