Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
