i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize