I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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