I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
