He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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