The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
