you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
