Christians are straight up FREAKS
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
