hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
