Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
bring money and cleavage
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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