She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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