for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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