Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
