He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
