Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
