I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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