Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
