Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize