We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
