One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
