remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
