mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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