My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
