The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
