what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
