I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
