I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
not ubering you a puppy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize