saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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