i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
