My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
