I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
