SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
