You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
